2025: Sovereignty, Self-Trust, & Deeply Human Healing.
“You passed out, dear.” The kindly man in the seat next to me patted my arm reassuringly. I had just come to on the floor of the airplane and was gently being tucked back into my seat by the flight crew.
But over the course of the next few hours, the furtive glances and outright stares I was receiving from fellow passengers led me to believe there was maybe more to it.
“Honey,” the flight attendant said, “The medics will be meeting you first thing when we land. The pilot was going to make an emergency landing in Denver for you, but we’re going to keep going to San Francisco and help will be waiting.”
Oh boy. I was 19, and this was the first of many grand mal seizures I would have over the next months and years. If you’ve never seen someone have a grand mal seizure, let me tell you, it is terrifying to watch, way scarier to see it than be in it! And as promised I was whisked straight from SFO to California Pacific Medical Center, where my Nervous System Odyssey would begin. My college experience was intertwined with EEGs, brain scans, x-rays, and stuff being taped to my head. I had a cadre of docs - neurologists and psychiatrists - and pills. Dilantin. Neurontin. And still, the seizures continued. Diminished maybe, but still there.
Looking back, the truth is that in my bones I KNEW none of the medical tests were going to find anything. I KNEW there was nothing ‘wrong’ with me. But in our western medical sick-care system - certainly in my experience back then - none of my doctors ever asked about my feelings. What I thought. My childhood experience. My ancestral history. Took the time to get to know me as an individual spirit. And perhaps most important of all, none of them ever made me feel safe or genuinely cared for. I was a bundle of misfiring nerves within a structure and system they were to medicate into functionality - and for me, just like for so many people attempting to heal within this system, it wasn’t working.
Years later, when I expressed interest in coming off of my medications I was met by extreme resistance by all of my doctors. I wanted to try natural methods - movement, meditation, yoga, breathwork, plant medicine, clean eating. My neurologist was dismissive and condescending. My primary doctor projected heaps of fear, and my psychiatrist informed me she wouldn’t see me as a patient any longer if I discontinued meds. All of them were twice my age and professionals with impressive credentials — who was I to overrule them with “my intuition” and “nature?”
But here’s the thing: It worked. Once I began microdosing mushrooms, my seizures stopped. I have not experienced a single aura or seizure since I began working with earth medicine, and while I give ultimate credit to the mushrooms for healing my nervous system in a way nothing else could, I also laid the groundwork for this healing to happen with lots & lots of yoga, contemplative practice, energy work/Reiki and bodywork. The bodywork, energy work & somatic healing was VITAL to this healing, as was being in an environment of safety & trust I cultivated within myself. I believed I could heal, and I believed my seizures were always a form of communication, my body doing its very best to speak to me, to protect me in its own wise way.
When I went off my seizure medications initially, it was a rough road - and lonely! - for awhile, as my brain transitioned back to “me” again. Worse than the withdrawal symptoms, as I came back to myself, I realized how much the medications had taken from me throughout my young adult life… affecting my cognition, interrupting my natural instinct and intuition, creating a haze between myself & the world. When I came back to myself - came back to my own clear, natural, coherent energy - so did my instinct, intuition and - above all - my spiritual connection that continues to deepen to this day.
Healing this part of me became the thread and through line to my greatest gifts in this lifetime, and over & again in supporting others I witness the same: that in our wounds lies the promise of our gifts, and the courage to follow that thread all the way through is what we’re incarnated here in this very moment to learn, experience and share with others.
I know first-hand how challenging it can be to trust yourself enough to overrule conditioning, fear, and authorities. Over time, we can feel ourselves slip further and further away and grow resigned to the fact that maybe this is all life will be for me. But, trust me, it is not. Our bodies and spirits are powerful beyond measure, and when we commit ourselves to creating an environment where we can heal, trust that we can heal - attune and align ourselves to a healing outcome in all ways - our bodies, our spirits, and the universe conspire and weave in the most beautiful, magical and unexpected ways.
Our Microdosing Community & Immersion Programs are inspired by this: That we all innately possess everything we need to heal, that the natural world is one of our strongest allies to our healing, and that guidance, community & connection help provide the safety and structure that allows for our innate healing to blossom. Wherever you are in your journey, we invite you to explore, learn, and discover alongside our welcoming community - cheers to your sovereignty, self-trust and deeply human healing in this new year.
EMPOWER MICRODOSING + TAPERING IMMERSION begins soon! Learn more HERE.
